Insecurities
by crystallinetears08
Summary: A prank gone wrong may possibly ruin a friendship. Can they reconcile? Sorry bad summary! First fic I've ever published!


"Go away, Sirius."

"Come on, Mae. I said I was sorry!" he exclaimed rushing behind me to catch up.

"How could you be so cruel? Playing that prank on me and embarrassing me like that. Is that what you really think of me?"

"Of course not! Also, it wasn't meant for you!" he shouted grabbing my arm and spinning me around.

"Really? Who was it meant for then?" I asked glaring at him.

"Marcella. It was James' way of trying to prank her into leaving me alone," he replied unflinchingly.

I shook my head. "I don't believe you," I mumbled. "Now just leave me alone. I don't want to speak to you."

"Mae, please don't be like this." He was begging now. "You know I can't stand it when you're mad at me."

"Are you just saying that or do you actually mean it?" I asked angrily. "Because I refuse to fall for some puppy dog pout this time. I'm done."

He flinched just slightly at the tone in my voice. "Fine," he mumbled looking down at his feet. "I won't bother you anymore."

I was shocked by what he'd said and look of immense sadness on his face. However, I recovered quickly and nodded before leaving. When I reached the Common Room, it was empty. I sat down on the couch and curled up staring into the fire.

I thought about the prank. Normally I might've laughed about it, but not this time. I'd seen the prank before and I knew what it entailed. Every insecurity I'd had was reinforced as it was blurted out loudly for all the students to hear by some invisible voice. It finally grew louder as it went on. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I ran.

'_Her eyes are too big and too far apart. Her nose is too small. Her lips are huge and look at her hair. It's so dull and flat. Looks like straw. Ugly blonde straw. She should just shave it off. Better a lumpy head than that hairdo.'_

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as the words echoed in my head. At that moment someone cleared their throat beside me. Startled I turned to see Remus and James.

Hastily I wiped away the tears. "If you're going to vouch for him then save your breath," I told them.

James stepped forward. "No, I came to apologize and explain." He rubbed his jaw, winced, and sat down. "See this girl, Marcella, has been stalking Padfoot lately. He's told her he's not interested, but she doesn't listen or doesn't understand the meaning of the word no."

I rolled my eyes. "This is all some big joke to you both isn't it?"

"Just hear him out, Mae," Remus urged as he sat in the armchair. "He's telling the truth."

I sighed. "Fine."

"Thanks, Moony," James said rubbing his jaw again. Upon closer inspection said jaw seemed to be swollen. "Anyway I figured I could prank her into leaving him alone. So I found this spell. You cast it on a person and when someone touches them it…"

"I know what it does, James. It either pulls from the person's insecurities or it pulls from the other person's views of the… victim…"

"Yeah…" He looked down momentarily. "I was going to remove it as soon as she came around and left, but she never did. You did… Mae, he didn't know anything about it. I swear."

I studied him a moment. "You know if you're lying for him, I'll hex you into next month."

He gulped and nodded. "I'm not lying."

"Why is your jaw swollen?" I asked after a moment.

He smiled wryly. "As soon as you left, Sirius rounded on me. Hit me then yelled before going after you."

"So he really didn't do anything?" I asked quietly.

"No. Nothing but get angry on your behalf," Remus replied.

"I need to find him," I decided.

"He's down by the lake," James added.

"Thanks," I said. Then I took off running. In minutes I was outside on the grounds. I could see him sitting under the tree closest to the lake staring out across the water.

He wasn't alone. There was a tall girl standing beside him. All I could see was her dark hair and her thin shape. Her hands were on her hips as she said something I couldn't hear. Subconsciously I moved closer.

He looked up at her. "What the hell do you want?" he asked. His voice sounded choked. Angry. With a hint of another emotion I couldn't place.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" she asked in a sickly sweet kind of voice.

He let out a short laugh. A forced hollow sound nothing like his real bark like laughter. "What's wrong with me? Let's see… You're here. My friendship with the most important person in the world to me is ruined. And I want you to leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Don't hang around me. I don't like you. I mean it, Marcella."

"You don't mean it," she said reaching out to him.

"Oh yes I do. Stay away from me," he warned.

She huffed angrily a second later and stormed away.

I watched as he sighed and buried his head in his hands. I took a deep breath and approached him.

"Marcella, I told you-" He stopped midsentence when he looked up. "Oh." He scrambled to his feet slowly. "I'll just…"

Now that I had a better view of his face I could see tear tracks on his cheeks. It caught me by surprise. Sirius never cried. As he turned to leave without another word, I called out to him to stop him. "Sirius, wait!" He turned but kept his eyes lowered. "Why were you crying?"

"I lost you," he whispered.

"Why does it matter?" I asked as I took a step closer. "There are other girls… Prettier girls. You can always be friends with them."

He shook his head. "They aren't like you. All they're after is sex and attention. Or popularity. Or I don't know. You were actually my friend to be my friend."

"So you value our friendship that much?"

Sirius nodded looking extremely uncomfortable. "So much. You've always been around for me to talk to and you never judged me… I admired it so much that I stopped hooking up with random girls because I know how much you hate it. I wanted to change for you."

My heart jumped in my chest at his words and my feet guided me forward of their own accord. "Change for me? Why?"

"Because," he whispered as fresh tears trickled down his cheeks, "I fell in love with you." He turned away with a growl and threw a punch into the tree trunk. "And James' stupid prank ruined our friendship just when I'd accepted that it was all we'd ever have."

"Sirius, look at me," I said. He shook his head, but I persisted. "Why not?"

"Because if I look at you again and you just walk away I won't be able to stand it."

Unsure of how to reply to that I gestured to his hand. "You're bleeding."

He looked at it and shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

That's when I took a chance. Finally I took the last few steps to close the distance between us. We were less than a foot apart. I took his hand in both of mine, and he flinched. There were deep scratches and cuts on it. I rubbed a thumb gently over his knuckles.

"James told me the truth earlier. Said he just wanted her off your back and you had no clue," I murmured. "That's when I had to come find you."

"So… What? You believe him, but you couldn't believe me? You know I'm always honest with you." He snatched his hand away.

"I didn't believe him until he told me about his jaw." I paused. "Sirius… Why did you hit James?"

"Because he hurt you. He embarrassed you. And- And he didn't tell me what he was doing. He could've warned me. He could have stopped it after it started, but he didn't."

I nodded. "That's why I believed him and came to find you. Now you have to try and understand something. The reason I was so angry with you is that I know that spell. I know what it does and I thought…"

"What?" he asked.

"I thought that everything being said was more than just my insecurities. I thought it was how you saw me."

"Never. I would never think negatively of you or put you down," he replied.

"Thanks, Sirius."

"Can we please be friends again?" he asked.

"If that's the way you want it," I replied.

He shook his head. "It's not, but it's what I can live with. What I can't live with is not being around you."

"What exactly do you want?" I asked.

He turned the full force of his eyes on me in that moment. "I thought I already told you. I want _you_, Mae. I want to be with you."

I opened my mouth to respond but he cut me off. "Before you say anything I have to tell you a few things. I want you to know what I really see when I look at you because it makes me sad that you are so insecure." He took a breath and stared straight into my eyes right into my soul, or so it felt. "Megan, you are so beautiful it hurts sometimes. Your eyes are so big and blue I feel like I could drown in them sometimes, and it's like you hold every emotion them. You have a cute button nose and your hair…" He ran a hand through it slowly. "It's so soft. And it's such a bright blonde that it makes you look even more like an angel. You aren't too short. You are the perfect height." He chuckled after that one. "And you have the perfect shape. You're so thin, but at the same time you have beautiful curves… I love it."

"And my lips?" I asked quietly.

"The most kissable lips I've ever seen. Not that I'd know for sure." He paused. "Okay, I'm done. Now can you please tell me we can be friends again?"

"I would but I don't want to be friends either Sirius," I told him.

Immediately his face fell, and he backed away a few steps. "Oh. I'm sorry… I'll just-"

"Stop," I ordered quietly. "Just listen." When he nodded I spoke again. "Now I have a few things to tell you… One, stop acting so depressed. It hurts my heart to see you like this. Two, if you back away one more time I swear I'm going to hit you. Three, I don't want to be friends. I want to be with you because… Four, I'm in love with you. And five, if you don't get over here right now and kiss me I'll hi-"

He cut off the end of my threat by closing the distance between us, pulling me in his arms, and pressing his lips to mine.

When he pulled away he laughed. "So violent, Mae."

I grinned. "It worked didn't it?"

"That it did," he replied. He sighed contentedly as he rested his forehead against mine. "I was right, by the way."

"About what?" I asked placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Your lips are perfect for kissing," he said.

I smiled flirtatiously. "Well, maybe you should try again just to make sure."

"Oh, I will," he said dipping me backwards suddenly. When I squealed he laughed before kissing me again.

At that moment, I felt invincible. I felt wanted. I felt beautiful. And my insecurities were far from my mind.


End file.
